I love love. Falling in love is one of the best feelings in the world. Seeing that special person and getting butterflies in your stomach. The excitement of just “being” with someone. It’s wonderful.

I love love so much I also love seeing people happy in love. I love seeing my friends find the person they want to be with forever. I think finding a partner to go through life with you is great. Being a team and tackling life together, growing together and having families. I love it. (I have favorite families on facebook that I just love seeing their pictures, it gives me so much joy.)

However our society puts so much emphasis on being in a relationship, that a lot of people believe that if they aren’t in a relationship, something is wrong with them. It’s everywhere, especially this time of year. The increase in commercials on tv for dating sites and engagement rings. It’s like oh no, you better stop being single because you know single is lonely and terrible and if you are single something is wrong with you. Single women have it even worse. It’s like if you are a single woman you are broken because something MUST be wrong with you, especially if you are over thirty. And some people put so much value in being married they think they won the life olympics because they have a spouse, even if their marriage awful.

Let’s be honest for a moment here, relationships can be draining. Yes, draining. Relationships are work. If you are fortunate enough to find someone you are compatible with and you both are working together, you are probably happy for the most part. However, a lot of people are in relationships and just going through the motions. Waking up every day, lonely, happy to leave the house, dreading going home at the end of the day. Sometimes they will sit in their cars just a little longer when they get home just to avoid the “relationship” a little bit longer. 

There are so many people in unhappy relationships, and sadly often people believe this is the “norm”. It is very accepted that an unhappy marriage is “the way it’s supposed to be”. That although they are unhappy it is better to stay in the relationship because it is the “right” thing. And if they leave they will mess up their familes, besides the fact people will judge them for leaving. Sadly most people will stay in a bad relationship, unhappy, but not willing to let go. 

I know quite a few people going through this. I have been this person before. I know what it’s like to be in a relationship that just drains you. And I know what it feels like to think it’s wrong to leave because I have a family, we live together, we’ve been together for so long….

I know people want to be in love forever but at what point do we talk about it’s ok to NOT be in a relationship because, it makes you happy. Yes, happy.

I talk to a lot of people and while I know some people who are single and desperate to get in a relationship I know a lot more people who are in relationships and miserable. Point is, if you aren’t happy, you need to make a change in your life to make you happy.

Does that mean leave your relationship? Maybe. I can’t tell you what to do. For me it meant that, and honestly I have not been happier.  Perhaps it means talking to your partner more or getting counseling but if you don’t make any changes you will continue to spiral down into unhappiness. You don’t deserve that. You deserve to be happy.

Like I said, relationships are cool and all but if you aren’t happy, make a change. Be happy. Seriously, you deserve it!

~Kai