I protect my ex, the father of my child. I do. I keep the world from knowing the truth about him because by protecting him, I protect my child. I know I am not the only mother who does this. I have had conversations with many mothers who have very similar stories.
The thing is, if a mother ever vocalizes to the world anything wrong about the father of her child, she is seen as bashing the dad. No matter how badly the father has behaved. This is another place where sexism puts women in a place that allows men to behave badly with no consequences.
On top of that, being vocal about the transgressions of the father of your child can have a negative affect on your child. So I protect him because I want to protect my child. I have to make sure that she has the childhood she deserves.
However, it’s incredibly frustrating. Frustrating because my protection allows him to live a life where people never get to see any of the things that hurt my child, me, or my family. He gets to live a life where people only see “good” things about him. I live within that frustration daily because it allows my daughter to have a good relationship with her father and his family.
There are days when the frustration is so high that I really want to expose the truth about him. On those days I have to take a moment to breath and remember that my daughter is happier and lives a wonderful life because I was the bigger person. So I will continue to be the bigger person and protect him for her sake.
So to all of the mothers out there who are living with the same frustration as me, hang in there! Remember by keeping your cool, being the bigger person, and protecting your ex from exposure, you are being a good mom. And that’s what really matters!